(referencing my earlier post, I actually already started asking myself "what is revival?')

So, those feelings resurfaced again during 3 June's Pentecost Prayer Mtg.

Caveat- I was feeling extra irritable that week so that Prayer Mtg probably just happened to be the unfortunate last straw

1)What happened:

- the usual songs, prayer segments

-which became more songs, prayer for Revival and God's presence

-SP Daniel recounting the 1970s-80s Revival in ACS etc and exhorting us (particularly the young) to rise up and pass the baton on and for people to answer God's call to serve Him full time etc etc

-and we just kept singing till 11.30pm (half the songs I didn't really recognise) and I grew very edgy and annoyed, wanting to stand up and go home (like ono, why am I reacting like that to God's presence)

2)What I'm realising

-these were the same feelings I had back at ROLC, every time we had those supernatural night services that ran on and on and/or every time we had worship segments that exhorted us to pray harder, press in and usher God's presence -> why was I not feeling 100% connected? why was I not feeling God's presence in the same way others did?

-it's not like I never tasted these outpouring of tongues, laughter, getting slain etc but it never really quite sustained my walk?

-I question too much and too often. 

a)what does revival look like? is it really just tongues and goosebumps and a wave of ppl serving full-time

b)can we not experience God's presence in moments of silent adoration, without needing to "try" and "push hard"

c)what if revival looks different than what happened those 30-40 yrs ago? what if it actually means re-writing old narratives that our forefathers handed down? what if revival means reconciliation of differences? of people taking their places in the world (and not just full-time)

and... what if it just means us being filled with the spirit to carry on our mundane ordinary tasks with great Joy

AND THEN as I'm writing this post... I chance upon this liner in a S&L article "...This truth that God is present in the ordinary and the mundane is seen poignantly in the sacraments of the Church which were instituted by our Lord. The elements used in the sacraments of Baptism and the Eucharist – water, bread and wine – cannot be more common"

AND THEN I recall Rachel Held-Evans' book "Searching for Sunday" that uses the Sacraments as a backbone. 

and so, I think I really know why (maybe cos I am really searching for something more)