Tidying up and consolidating my narrative on this church search, faith digging journey.

1)It started out as what seemed like a church search, to cleave away from the all-too-familiar familial. and to perhaps get my faith renewed, questions addressed 

2)I learnt some things about myself i.e. the "it is me, not you" that could have been responsible for my previous "miseries" or grouses. I witnessed vulnerability, acceptance of different shapes and sizes in the cell that made me reflect- had I really had embodied these traits?

Well it also opened my eyes to the tough realities and struggles of getting "people unlike the norm", "not-so cool" to truly integrate. on how people tend to gravitate towards the safe, familiar...and how we are all perhaps insecure at some times

While I appreciated and respected the community in cell, the warmth and family-feels of the church, a part of me still felt "hmm, do I really fit" into this mainstream Church narrative. 

3)then I started listening to Kat Harris, learning about Deconstruction, meeting E, hearing FCC..reading the Jesus I Never Knew

it felt like someone was addressing my doubts and questions.. and the questions just kept coming. 

4)then I realised, perhaps this is my journey of faith. It may mean rediscovering, unlearning, committing then eventually cleaving again. who's to say it's wrong?

(maybe confirmation bias but just listening to old recordings of WT prophecies- one of which is that I will break the ideas of having to do church in a conventional way HAHA) Well, we'd see :)