All the talk about community, family, church without walls…

Is this it? Is this what it’s really supposed to be?

Is it just me that’s the problem? Not fully fitting in, not feeling connected (epic fail on both social and spiritual levels, sucks that they are very highly-interconnected in this place called church)

Perhaps i'm asking too much & putting in too little

This, is one part of my life I’ve never really wanted anyone to see – the portion of my life that I “want to keep out of facebook” and under wraps

These much-too-long years of connecting but not exactly connecting, of minimalist friendships, the are-we-even-friends-apart-from-pitstopdays-YAevents-andsundayservice?

Maybe I seem too closed-up. Maybe it’s me still clinging on to the past. Maybe it’s me who has unrealistic expectations (haha and so they say we are supposed to dream big?)

Maybe it’s just me who can’t ever be a part of this. Like it’s too late. My life story is as it is.

I used to get angry  but now, it really pains me.

Each minute on Sunday mornings, each time we walk out of the church doors and take the lonely trek out...it scares me. I don’t foresee myself holding out like this for very long

do i try to weave my way into the status quo, or should i create something new out of this?