Sunday, August 21, 2011

Song of the day: the potter’s hand (which I coincidentally chose for Bmusic presentation) & which aptly describes my current state

Receiving news about joining the main BS- feelings of apprehension arise once again, never felt them so strong before, not even when I had to decide my major. Well, as with all new responsibilities & journeys into uncharted territory, comes fear. I’m not even sure how to begin/continue/conclude what I’m feeling right now, but the top few concerns lurking were



- An extra Wed taken up (means all Wed are spent in church, as with virtually all Fridays & Sat)

-the meeting reminded me of a PAP succession planning meeting (except it was prob a little bit overdue, judging by PAP’s usual standards)

- ok I was half-kidding BUT BUT personally, with your father leading the meeting & sharing, you feel like you’re part of a political dynasty/ propagating neopotism & what nots (ok I kid, I kid) I’m guessing Pastor’s kids may get what I’m feeling.. like having this burden to carry on your parent’s good work, yet worrying about having to prove your worth & not be seen as riding on coat-tails.. ( though no one may actually be thinking that way)

- being thrown further in the deep sea that I feel I’m in now, with no feedback, no progress charting & no clear direction of where I’m heading (ok sorry I should actually be asking God) but as they mentioned, it has got to be more.. INTENTIONAL and HONEST ( cos I wonder when they say the pastors have approved, if they even really know & discuss what we have been/ have not/ cannot/ do or done)because though it seems like a ‘natural transition’ after 2years, time doesn’t prove anything..

- last but not least, the “send someone else” syndrome. Indeed, there are so many more others who aren’t PK’s but who seem tons better & better able to take on this position.. not comparing here but I really think these ppl should be given some platform?

Still, when the call of God comes, one should never run from it

2. On a side-note HM2 today was good, in a different sense.. .especially for someone who’s always checking back to plans & past discussions. I admit I was initially quite indignant that my tediously typed-out notes were not used very much :/ and the msg didn’t seem to have much any inkling of our discussed version.. But somehow I found myself being drawn to gems of truth that were so apparent, simple to me, but weren’t yet reality… (Receiving rather than Earning, just to cite one example)

And I thank God that the word was really down-to-earth (and not some lofty theological session).. Realistic & applicable for the youths, (rather than just a watered down/condensed version of YA’s sharing on Pst Romero’s msg) And I truly have to repent for being sceptical & tuned-out initially.

I guess God really works in mysterious ways, beyond what we can imagine.