Saturday, December 31, 2005

argh. another round of disappointment and loads of embarrassment yet again. i really wish i had stronger urm, survival instincts, and not always be left lagging behind?not always being the only one not able to do something?being able to accept life's downs with some grace and with a positive mindset.. oh right, i just remembered i CAN'T. with so many flashbacks and haunting thoughts chasing me, i even dream about it in my sleep. i dream of me being left alone, while so many others start to stare and pull away, off they go far far away. dreams of me being the weakest link. the only one who's still hesitating, the only one who's scared. it freaks me out. that each time smth like that happens, i'm so affected. jiu jing shi wei she me? why can't i learn to let go and accept things as they are? why can't i just believe that there are greater plans in store? why don't i have that mentality that there's a purpose for everything? i've been praying, but i guess i really have to believe God on this. AND just happily and graciously accept that i have to stick with being one of the only ones gonna sit thru class next week. man, what a failure. face what face?