Saturday, September 10, 2005
yes, it happened real fast. it's been tearing me apart. it's been squeezing my eyes dry. changing my perspective. let's just say.. i've snapped out of it.i'm TRYING TO. i'm squeezing my way through every exit i can find. searching fer some other security blankets to hide under. to bury my whole self under. to help shake off the feeling that i'm all outta faith; and to reassure myself that everything's FINE. deep down inside, i know it's not alright. there's really something else that's disturbing me. i keep telling myself to find it. get rid of it. and make sure it never comes back. all the hurts and repetitions of history keep surfacing.all the failures and bad experiences. i'm sinking deeper and deeper. i can't make make it really stop, right there. no i just can't find a chance to. each time it reappears, i promise myself - it'll be the last time.. it'll be the last time i'm gonna let them bask in the glory of succesfully bringing someone down. yet, it never happens. i guess it's crawling beneath my veins. i'm so used to it.i hate it when i'm always giving in. giving up. letting go. being so very tolerant.believing in empty promises; getting disillusioned, disappointed. it's not meant to be part of me. it's head knowledge. i know that pretty well. i know i have a special identity and right which no other person can rob me of. yeah i'm unique. special. we've all been told that. but who actually tries to live that out? hardly anyone does.they always cut, at where it pains you most. it always plays on yur weakest link . AND i'd like you to know, i've gone through enough. so, for now, don't call me with a compromise - i've got a backbone stronger than yours.
it used to be so hard being me.
still is.
finally. a day which fits the term 'holiday'. well. kinda.. though it reminds me that monday is nearing. and that i still haf sewing to finish and science mindmaps which i don't even use. pfft
wonderful. isn't a holiday meant for unwinding and doing what you want to?what's with the HUGE pile of hw. well actually i don't mind a small bit, but aren't we supposed to be mugging on OUR OWN.. for the EOYS? alright. i'll stop. anws ytd was fun..not quite in the mornin actually. lol. hahas i felt so demoralised lah. i'm like this not-so-fit person.and i ended up training with those super pro players and athletes. not without embarrasing myself out there.i couldn't really react so quickly and swiftly. i'm really sorry for those who were on my group. so i decided to like um, take a break for a while; guess that helped uh? (x . man, someone get me outta inter-class. i'm scared!council farewell.. we went to ikea to get gifts..everone was quite tired out.. got out gifts.. filled jars with m&ms and stuff. thn we had to share smth bout our senoirs who were gna step down. and ehh. i think i sounded pretty fake. ahh. crap i shldn't haf left halfway. thing's were going on so well.
4:57 PM MASQUERADE!
