Friday, April 01, 2005

uhhuh uhhuhh! today was cross country! whooohoo. we survived it! i THINK i got in the top 50. cos we had some pink cards. the route wasn't as bad as last yr's i think, though the rocks part was man, tedious! i cud feel the mud going swoosh here n there under my feet. lotsa the girls were screaming.. cus, their shoes got dirty? err. it wasn't tt bad lah! lol. we saw monkeys!! but they were not in the least ferocious. they looked stoopid and just sat there staring lah.. i'm proud of myself, kinda (: at least i didn't walk tt many times, cept the rocks part ,and at the yucky road outside.. so embrarrasing tho. i was walkin at the pavement. thn my junior started running up to me and tapped me. gosh, and she over took me! so i beagn to run. stopped, ran, stopped,and ran like seoww .all to the finish line. heh. right behind wee. *tho i was b4 her thn* :$ how malu.. . haha. seems like when she stooped, i stopped, she ran, i ran. lol.yay! thn we went to KAP macs. we all + shusze. thn joy n wee went bac, thn we all 3 went to pine grove, shusze's hse. bathed.. and did our math thinggeh. anw the toilet was darkk. andd, jocelyn was soo scared of the 'ghosts' . so.. we wrote like only a few points. but heck. thn we played table soccer!haha. shusze was soo pissed. and jocelyn- hmph. didn't play. tskk!

sometimes. i feel like a hypocrite. i always end up with regret, when i see them feeling that wayy, and when its all thanks to what i've done. i try to promise myself that i'll change. some other time..yes, i WANT to. but sometimes its hard. looking at how things are- trying hard not to react.pretending to not care, pretending to be oblivious to what's happening.yet deep inside me. i know what's going on. these feelings keep building up, and the next moment, they're dying down. i'm bending. breaking someone's heart; betraying their trust in me. all their hopes they had in me througout these years.. they say the longer you know the person, the more you go through with them, the more pain you suffer in the end,whenyou both start to drift away.. i'm really confused, unable to make a clear cut of my emotions.

i've swung out of control